RE: Terry Jones

 This one's a little more politically bent...

Now Jones was a reverend of lore

Whose greatest ambition was war.

He burned the Koran

Sent pics to Afghan.

To incite a great wrath and more.

Ballad of a Bovine

OK.  I think we all know that Mrs. O'Leary's cow didn't ACTUALLY start the Chicago fire, but this was a funny quip of a limerick.

Ballad of a Bovine

Tis the ballad of Mrs. O’Leary

And her cow on an evening most dreary.

It kicked a lantern

And started a burn

As the Mrs. Cried, “Oh, my, my, dear me!”

Happy Belated St. Pat's

A limerick to wish everyone a happy belated St. Patrick's Day:

A Eulogy for Fr. O'Malley

Here lies Father O’Malley

Most known for his trips to the galley.

One day he went in

And drank all the gin

And awoke to our prayers in the alley.

On The Topic of Stereo Types

STOP!  It's not REALLY what you're thinking.

There is, of course a perfectly reasonable explanation for this picture...

This new bagel shop is located where an old convenience store stood that was affectionately known, by the students of the university across the street, as the "Stop and Rob."  I can only imagine HOW it got that name.

Sometimes truth IS stranger than fiction.

IBM Mouse Maintenance

I remember reading this in 1986 in my AP Computer Science class.
Enjoy!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 This memo is from an unnamed computer company(IBM). It went to all field
engineers about a computer peripheral problem. The author of this memo
was quite serious. The engineers, however, rolled on the floor.

**********************************************************************

Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Units).
Therefore, if a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically,
it may need a ball replacement.

Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse
balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel.

Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the
underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than
foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the
manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the
pop-off method. Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist-off
method. Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However, excessive
handling can result in sudden discharge.


Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately.
It is recommended that each replacer have a pair of spare balls for
maintaining optimum customer satisfaction. Any customer missing his
balls should suspect local personnel of removing these necessary
"items."

The Engineer

The Engineer and the Financier’s Dilemma

A wealthy financier approaches an engineer at his place of business and proceeds to tell him that he wishes to commission the construction of a top-notch yacht.  “Unfortunately,” he tells the engineer, “my cash is tied up in investments, and all I have is this dung-heap from one of my farms for resources to get you started.”

As the engineer ponders the rather ridiculous request of the gentlemen, the man adds, “Time and cost is not an object.  It can take ten years, and I will be able to pay you twice the value of the boat at that time.”  With that, then engineers proceeds to tell the financier that he would need to supply a small sum up-front, and a same-size pile of resource each year for the next 10 years until the boat is completed. 

The engineer proceeds to haul the pile of bio-refuse to an undisclosed location some distance from his business, and each year he does the same taking time out of his schedule to visit this site where the boat was to be constructed. 

Near the end of ten years the engineer took a 6-week block of time to disappear from his office.  After this time he contacted the financier to tell him that the yacht was complete.

When the financier arrived he was astonished at the craftsmanship of the yacht; the hull was made of teak, the trimmings of mahogany, cherry, and ebony.  Surely, this was the finest yacht ever made.  When he heard the cost of the yacht, he proceeded to explain that his cash was tied-up, but the resources he was providing had come from one of three farms that he owned.  He still had 10 years of resource saved up from the other two farms that he could offer as payment.

The engineer sat silent for a moment, and then said, “I’m going to enjoy this new boat of mine.”

The financier exclaimed, “What?!  You could build TWO of these yachts with all this material!  Why won’t you accept the payment?”

The engineer then proceeded to explain, ”It takes time to grow the REAL material for this boat.  Feel free to grow your own trees and come back with the appropriate materials.  I can build you a boat in 6 weeks when you do that.  It’s my job to take shit for resources and produce a masterpiece, but I don’t take shit for payment!”

This is a Test

This is a test.

A test to test the best,

And best the test-taker.

Whoever should best the test

will test the rest

lest he should be best by the test-maker.

If you’ve guessed the test,

Then rest your quest

Lest you be best by the zest of a pest-maker.