Tuesday, April 01, 2014
Shares of HAFD are up
1000% Today on News of the Acquisition of the Hachette Book Group.
Half past Nine-O’clock
this morning, while most people are settling into their offices, the NYSE was
ablaze as shares of HAFD gapped-up over 1000% as news of their acquisition if
French publishing house, “The Hachette Book Group.” As the late-breaking news spread across the
trading floor just before the open, a surge of interest swarmed. “Possibilities are limitless with HAFD!” we
were told by Mr. To Gander, founder of The Hokum Joker. “Pretty much the whole deals boils down to
the fact that the EU was too slow to stop the acquisition and now a media
monopoly is well assured!?” Yesterday HAFD
announced their latest round of books including, “Putin at the Ritz, The
Revival of Communism in Russia.”
After the close of business today,
there will be a share holder’s conference call to present the details of the
take-over. Pierre Le Kaput, the CEO of
HAFD has been a rising star in the financial community after securing $4.1 Billion
in funding from the Toxic Asset Reward Program (TARP). Rearward looking statements have been issue
by the company to bolster support of this maneuver. Institutional investors are lining up to
claim their shares of the next publishing monolith that rumors to be acquiring
Apple, Google, and Amazon next. Last
week, Le Kaput was seen entering meetings with executives from two of these
companies and his whereabouts cannot be determined for the duration of last
weekend as well as that of the CEO and chief officers of Google.
“Frothy markets are where it’s at,”
stated several traders on the floor who wished to remain nameless. Over at HAFD headquarters, it’s hard to get
anyone to talk with all the activity in the office. Office staffers have been seen traveling to
embassies in the area as rumors of
Russian involvement are beginning to circulate.
Last year, the board appointed Vladimir Yukant as its director with an
eye to his record of “shareholder activism” and his ability to turn anything
into quick profits. “ ‘Twas an interesting thing seeing Yukant
appointed director of this company,” Gander was quoted as saying in his weekly
message, “The Joker’s Poker.” Some of the
most well known financial experts were interviewed for the position vacated by Rick
Kraynium, a long-time associate of Yukant.
Dow Jones volume spiked early with
a modes peak and then pulled back as traders sold-off to get in on the HAFD event. April is shaping up to be quite a month. Yanakovich has decried the move by HAFD Board
Chairman Vladimir Yukant, but his message seems to have gone unnoticed.
(* Circle the first letter of the first word of each
sentence *)
BY: Paul Van Huffel
;-)
