On the count of Pictures and Words...

Once upon a time, there was a happy home.

...And there was much celebrating.

Until this happened...

To be continued...

Shares of HAFD are up 1000% Today on News of the Acquisition of the Hachette Book Group.

Tuesday, April 01, 2014

Shares of HAFD are up 1000% Today on News of the Acquisition of the Hachette Book Group.

    Half past Nine-O’clock this morning, while most people are settling into their offices, the NYSE was ablaze as shares of HAFD gapped-up over 1000% as news of their acquisition if French publishing house, “The Hachette Book Group.”   As the late-breaking news spread across the trading floor just before the open, a surge of interest swarmed.  “Possibilities are limitless with HAFD!” we were told by Mr. To Gander, founder of The Hokum Joker.  “Pretty much the whole deals boils down to the fact that the EU was too slow to stop the acquisition and now a media monopoly is well assured!?”  Yesterday HAFD announced their latest round of books including, “Putin at the Ritz, The Revival of Communism in Russia.”

After the close of business today, there will be a share holder’s conference call to present the details of the take-over.  Pierre Le Kaput, the CEO of HAFD has been a rising star in the financial community after securing $4.1 Billion in funding from the Toxic Asset Reward Program (TARP).  Rearward looking statements have been issue by the company to bolster support of this maneuver.  Institutional investors are lining up to claim their shares of the next publishing monolith that rumors to be acquiring Apple, Google, and Amazon next.  Last week, Le Kaput was seen entering meetings with executives from two of these companies and his whereabouts cannot be determined for the duration of last weekend as well as that of the CEO and chief officers of Google.

“Frothy markets are where it’s at,” stated several traders on the floor who wished to remain nameless.  Over at HAFD headquarters, it’s hard to get anyone to talk with all the activity in the office.  Office staffers have been seen traveling to embassies in the area  as rumors of Russian involvement are beginning to circulate.  Last year, the board appointed Vladimir Yukant as its director with an eye to his record of “shareholder activism” and his ability to turn anything into quick profits.   “ ‘Twas an interesting thing seeing Yukant appointed director of this company,” Gander was quoted as saying in his weekly message, “The Joker’s Poker.”  Some of the most well known financial experts were interviewed for the position vacated by Rick Kraynium, a long-time associate of Yukant.

Dow Jones volume spiked early with a modes peak and then pulled back as traders sold-off to get in on the HAFD event.  April is shaping up to be quite a month.  Yanakovich has decried the move by HAFD Board Chairman Vladimir Yukant, but his message seems to have gone unnoticed.

(* Circle the first letter of the first word of each sentence *)

BY:  Paul Van Huffel

;-)

Sudoku Discussion on one of my OTHER Blogs...

Rather than copy the article here additionally, I will simply post a link to my discussion of hexadecimal sudoku.

Have a good day!

Defective Money - Annual Monetary Recall

Every year Our government has a monetary recall. Apparently there is an approximate 30% or more of our money that's defective. Of course the money collected by larger companies like Exxon, or the money that gets filtered/laundered through a chain of foreign countries ending up on some island in the Caribbean is all non-defective, but for the rest of us, we have to contend with bad money and the need for this annual recall.

It's that annual monetary recall season again. We affectionately refer to it as, "TAX SEASON."

Gettysburg 2013

REV: SO... It looks like he's reading the First Draft - the Nocolay Copy:
See here - http://www.abrahamlincolnonline.org/lincoln/speeches/gettysburg.htm

Gettysburg Address (2013):

Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on upon this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.

Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of it that field, as a final resting place for those who died here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.  This we may in all propriety do.

But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate -- we can not consecrate -- we can not hallow -- this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have hallowed consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract.

The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but while it can never forget what they did here. It is rather for us the living, rather, we here to be dedicated here to the great task before us unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us -- that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they here gave the last full measure of devotion -- that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain -- that this the nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom -- and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.

-- Abraham Lincoln Barack Obama
Nov. 19, 1863 2013

Someone once told me that you can tell when someone is lying by the way they blink.  If their eyes blink together, their telling the truth.  Of one eye blinks before the other, they're lying.  This was snapped at the end of the "...shall not have died in vein..." line.

Hmmmmm....

Open Letter To Senator Carl Levin and Debbie Stabenow.

While I try to take the satirical approach on this blog when dealing with politics, it seems that the situation in our nations capital has become such that it warrants a more seriously toned letter.

The following is a letter I sent to Senator Carl Levin, D-MI.

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Senator Levin,

I am most displeased with the rhetoric coming from our nation’s capitol of late.  While the House Republicans have a fair share of blame to take for this, please don’t think for one second that the citizenry, the 99% of the population in the middle of the road, don’t see that there is PLENTY of blame to go around.  With the state of things regarding the sequester, the government shutdown, and now a DEFAULT on our national debt.  You people really want to play with brinksmanship?  Here’s what I’m thinking, and I’m CERTAIN I’m not alone:  There’s an election coming up next year.  I’m not sure if your name is on the ballot for that one or the following being as you’re term is 6 years, BUT never fear I intend to launch a campaign to oust ALL INCUMBENTS for the NEXT SIX YEARS so that we can finally free Our United States from the grip of elected officials and career politicians who only seem to pull further and further to the extreme. 

Like many Americans, I have already been affected by the ACA.  I USED to be able to take a salary reduction of up to $5,000 to be put into a Medical Savings Account.  Unfortunately, the leadership of your party felt that there was a need for more tax dollars and decided to strap people with medical conditions and high medical bills with higher taxes by getting rid of their “loopholes” while maintaining the loopholes for Big Oil and others (You know, the companies declaring multi-billion dollar profits and paying precious little in taxes).  Well, the medical savings account maximum has been cut in half.  My medical savings account was empty in May this year while LAST YEAR, before the ACA’s limit in medical savings accounts, lasted until November at the maximum amount.  I’m sure YOU don’t have to worry about how the ACA will affect you because Congress are exempted from the ACA.  It was policies like these here in Michigan that had me spending 2008 away from my family in Delaware at a new job trying to move there.  “Fortunately” I was unable to sell my house and my employer opened up my same position in Grand Rapids that I was doing in Delaware (engineering software support) which allowed me to move home again.  I was one of the lucky ones.  While I was out East, I got to meet several Michigan “refugees” (that what we called jokingly ourselves).  Frankly, the best thing that happened to Michigan, and especially for Michigan JOBS, was the removal of Jennifer Granholm.  I watched many long-time companies pack up shop and either fold completely or move out of state (some just across the border to Indiana and Ohio). 

I would greatly prefer that my nation, the land and people I love, follow in those footsteps.  People have been saying that Obama is an anti-colonialist who seeks to downsize America for a few years now.  While it’s great to have the media re-iterate that it’s all the fault of the Republicans, I don’t believe for one second that the Democrats and our President, who states in one sentence that he will accept nothing but 100% of what he wants and in the next posits the question to the camera how it is that anyone can expect a negotiation where one side would get 100% of what they’re asking for – referring to the House Republicans, are blameless.  That’s just a load of hooey. 

I know that compromise happens when NEITHER side is completely happy, but Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid put this disaster together in a late night session (Yes, I know they weren’t alone, but they WERE the two majority leaders) and never brought it up for any kind of debate or vote over its final form.  They thumbed their noses at the American people declaring that it was all LEGAL and NOW we get to find out what they REALLY wrote because all the important parts were not defined and thus would be defined via Administrative Law, thus preventing judicial scrutiny (or at least avoiding for as long as possible by way of financially wearing-out any challengers by keeping any such challenge stuck in bureaucratic purgatory). 

I cannot believe that we’ve got children running our nation.  This thing reads like the reports of a playground fight and the kids are all pointing fingers in every direction saying the other one or group did it.  Please get your collective heads together and figure out how to compromise.  You’re hurting our nation.

If our nation defaults on its debt, I would think you should do the honorable thing and resign.  But I’m sure you won’t so expect resistance at your next election.  You can let Debbie Stabenow know my sentiments for her are likewise.  I’ll write Justin Amash myself.

Paul

First Draft - Obama to Federal Workers (sic)

(QNN) Washington, DC:
Message from the President to U.S. Government Employees (First Draft):

October 1, 2013

To all you pawns and serfs in my game of chicken with the legislature (the dedicated and hard-working employees of the United States Government):

The Federal Government is America’s largest employer and we will not have a growth of competition from private sources, but with more than 2 million civilian workers and 1.4 million active duty military who serve my every whim and in all 50 States and around the world.

But Congress, that body of loathsome bastards, has failed upon my own orders to meet its responsibility to pass a budget before the fiscal year that begins today. I made sure to veto or threaten veto of any bill that doesn’t meet my, your glorious dictator’s, exact demands.  And that means much of our Government must shut down effective today.

I want you to know that I will keep working to make sure that this affects the poorest, lowliest, and most in need people and creates the most pain upon the innocent so as to entice my enemies into capitulation get Congress to reopen the Government, restart vital services that the American people depend on, and allow public servants who have been sent home to return to work. At my direction, your agencies have sent your sorry asses packing and should have reached out to you by now about what a shutdown means for you and your families; imminent starvation, disease, and death as you will not have your government to depend upon.

Today, I wanted to take a moment to tell you what you mean to me—and to our country.

Again, you are my pawns in this game and I need you to call your republican congressmen and harass them into compliance with my demands.  We need a full-court press.  I’ve commissioned MSNBC to lead the charge, and I need all of you, my faithful subjects, to use social media to rally people around my cause.  Don’t worry, I can always declare martial law, outlaw elections and then the bill of rights.  We have gun registries so we can round-up all the guns that are not in the hands of my regime so you need not fear, we will be a safe society soon enough.

That begins by saying thank you for the work you do every day—work that is vitally important to my regime our national security and to American families’ economic security, not to mention my own bank account. You defend my regime (our country) overseas and ensure that our troops receive the scraps I’m willing to afford them benefits they deserve when they come home. You guard our borders and protect our civil rights, and thanks for not grilling me too badly over that whole Fast and Furious episode. You help small businesses expand and gain new footholds in overseas markets, but they need to know that they couldn’t do it without their government and your beloved leader. You guide hundreds of thousands of people each day through the glory of America’s national parks and monuments, from Yosemite to the Statue of Liberty to the soon to be revealed Obama Father-man Statue to replace the Lincoln Memorial. And much more.

You do all this in a political climate that, too often in recent years, has treated you like a punching bag, and if you mention the Democratic Party in any of that complaint we’ll find you – the NSA has you covered. Just know your place and shut your face. You have endured three years of a Federal pay freeze, harmful sequester cuts because I just had to get more out of the House Republicans after shaking on a deal when the Gang of 6 came up with a more tantalizing plan, and now, my (a) shutdown of our Government. And yet, you persevere, continuing to serve the American people with passion, professionalism, and skill.  Of course you’re not allowed to volunteer so be sure to go home and do nothing.

None of this is fair to me (you). (And s)Should it continue, it will make it more difficult to keep attracting the kind of driven, patriotic, idealistic fascist Americans to public endenture (service) that our citizens deserve and that I (our system of self-government) demand(s).

Public service is noble. Public service is important. Public service is national pride. And by choosing public service, you carry on a proud tradition at the heart of some of this country’s greatest and most lasting achievements. In fact, more than 50 current or former Federal employees have received the Nobel Prize for their efforts, myself included. It was grants from the Department of Energy that helped businesses unlock new sources of renewable energy at Solyndra, and from the National Science Foundation that helped entrepreneurs like the founders of Beacon Power (Google) change the world. It is your efforts that will help this country meet the great challenge of our time—rebuilding an economy where all who work hard can get a paycheck from the government (ahead).

So while the budget fights in Washington are too gruesome to allow you to know the details (often partisan), your service to the country, the fatherland, must never falter (be). As one of my predecessors, President George H.W. Bush, once said, “There is nothing more fulfilling than to serve your country and your fellow citizens and to do it well. And that is what our system of fascism (self-government) depends on.”

This shutdown was completely preventable, all I had to do was sit down and negotiate. But why should I do that when Nancy Pelosi did as I instructed and the other members of the Democratic Party followed along in lock-heel along with us.  You all marched to the drum of MSNBC and the promise of Change, and CHANGE you got!  It should not have happened. And the House of Representatives can end it as soon as it follows the Senate’s lead and my executive orders, and funds your work in the United States Government without trying to attach highly controversial and unapproved (partisan) measures in the process.

Hopefully, we will resolve this quickly. I will stand my ground as this is the beginning of the dream I got from my father to downsize America and put an end to colonialism around the world. In the meantime, I want you to know—whether you are a young person who just joined the ranks of my regime (public service) because you want to make a difference, or a career employee who has dedicated your life to the Fatherland (that pursuit)—you and your families remain at the front of my mind, and squarely on my chessboard. Your agency leaders and I will continue to defend your work at a time when that work has rarely been more important. We will continue to work with your agencies to keep you and your families apprised and informed of what propaganda needs spreading (is happening). And I will continue to do everything in my power to get the House of Representatives to capitulate and allow our Government to reopen as quickly as possible, and make sure you receive the pay that we have wrenched from those greedy capitalists (you have earned).

Thank you, again, for your service, your sacrifice, and everything you do every day for this country we love so much.  I know I couldn’t make such a sacrifice.

Sincerely,

President Obama

Brought to you by QNN, The Questionable News Network.

First Drafts - A Series of Parodies.

I call these little works, "First Drafts."  They're generally taken from a public speech or letter and the crossed-out sections have been added to give a feel for the subtext and for the purpose of parody.

Please enjoy:

WASHINGTON, DC (QNN) – Newly obtained first draft of House Speaker John Boener's letter to the President regarding the "Death Panels":

May 9, 2013
The President
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW
Washington, DC 20500

(Dear) Mr. President,

We write to respond to your March 29, 2013 letter demanding requesting that we submit the names of individuals to be publicly humiliated by serving(e) on the Individual Payment Advisory Board (IPAB), which was created in the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act (Public Law 111-148).  Because the law will give IPAB’s 15 unelected, unaccountable individuals the ability to euthanize (deny) seniors (access to innovative care), we have to tell you to go fuck yourself we respectfully decline to recommend appointments.

As you know, we opposed the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act because we knew it was a money pit and power grab would increase health costs, impose costly burdens on job creators, and raid Medicare to pay for a massive new entitlement.  In order to allow supporters to claim that the law’s Medicare cuts would be realized in the future, it tasked IPAB with slashing reducing payments to providers or eliminating payments for lifesaving certain treatments and procedures altogether.  These slashed reduced payments will force providers to stop seeing Medicare patients, the same way an increased number of doctors have stopped taking Medicaid patients.  This will lead to access outages problems, indefinite waiting lists and dead (denied care for) seniors.

The catastrophic unfortunate result is that decisions which impact America’s seniors will be made without any due process in the absence of the democratic process, autocratically without the system of checks and balances that would normally apply to important matters of public policy.  Yet your recent budget called for expanding IPAB by tasking it with essentially eliminating making even larger cuts to Medicare than those called for in the health law, even though the trustees of the Medicare program have told us that IPAB’s provider cuts would be “difficult to achieve in practice,” because of the denied care that seniors would experience.  Look, we don’t want to be cutting off care to seniors, only young women.

We believe Congress should repeal IPAB, just as we believe we ought to outlaw (repeal the entire) health care completely (law).  In its place, you need to come to OUR table (we should work in a bipartisan manner) to develop the long-term structural changes that are needed to stop abortion rights and women’s access to health care coverage strengthen and protect Medicare for today’s seniors, their children, and their grandchildren.  We hope establishing this board never becomes a reality, which is why full repeal of the Affordable Care Act remains our goal.

Sincerely,

John Boehner                                                                       Mitch McConnell
Speaker of the House of Representatives                Senate Republican Leader


Brought to you by QNN, The Questionable News Network.

2011 Not Necessarily The Headlines

Tongue placed FIRMLY in cheek, here are a few not-exactly-headlines to reminisce over. 

Not Necessarily the Headlines

Snoopy Falls Ill. – Details Sketchy

Billy Mayes Dies of Heart Attack – Mighty Cardiologist Just Couldn’t Mend It

Clinton Frees Journalists from North Korea – Homeward Bound on the Red-Eye

Obama Promises Transparency in Government – Details Outlined In Closed-Door Session

Cash for Clunkers Needs More Cash – GAO to Investigate Wasteful Spending

First Amendment to NFL’s Open to Public Practices – Players, Coaches, and Fans Banned from Tweeting, or Other Communication

Sen. Ted Kennedy Recovering from Surgery – “For a Minute We Thought the Poor Old Chap Had Quit It.”

Freddie and Fanny in Trouble Again – Fanny Needs to Improve Bottom Line

Social Security Hacked – Security Measures to be Doubled

Community Service for Bernard Madoff – Bernie to Head Social Security Reform – “Put Everything Into One Pond, See?”

Breaking Bad Grumpy Cat

(Note the pics above were compiled from images found via Google Search)

I thoroughly enjoyed last night's finale of Breaking Bad.  The writing in this show was first rate.  I liked how they used the name Heizenberg after the man who posited the quantum physics principle of uncertainty.  The concept, in simple terms, states that as one improves his accuracy on finding the location of an electron he loses accuracy on its momentum and energy, but as one improves accuracy on momentum he loses accuracy on position and energy.  The entire story plot follows this type of pattern and by the end (SPOILER ALERT) Walter dies just before the police arrive.  They've found WALTER, but the meth lab, the people running the lab and business around it are either gone or dead.  Just when Walter is about to be killed, he manages to find his way to saving Jesse and he kills the gang with a trunk-mounted machine gun.  It was just an awesome ending for a great story.

Jesse was another good and proper ending.  I found myself laughing that he was driving away from the scene just before police arrive just as we met his character leaping out of a second story window as the DEA was raiding his lab.  Walter may have used the name Heizenberg, but the name didn't take it's full meaning without the two of them.  As a team, they escaped prosecution as Walter died from his injuries after fulfilling his objective of providing for his family, and Jesse escaped the scene ahead of being discovered there.

Again I say, an excellent ending to an excellent story.